Remembrance of Things Past
by ROSSELLA1
Summary: A couple of years after the Dolarhyde incident, Will learns about Lecter's past. After writing to his old mentor, a series of corresponences begins and Graham ends up learning more about Lecter than he ever wanted to know.
1. Chapter 1

Ch.1

By ROSSELLA1

Note: I do not own the Hannibal Lecter tetralogy or any of the characters. 

_Dear-_

Will crumpled up the paper, tossing it aside. That wasn't right. The Doctor hadn't been 'dear' to him for quite some time. The Doctor could pretend, but Will wouldn't.

_Dr. Lecter_

That was better. Lecter couldn't read anything into that, unless maybe respect, given the title of Doctor. But Will had never called Lecter anything else to his face and it would feel strange to start now.

_I can't say for sure why I'm writing this._

'Oh, yes you can.'Dr. Lecter's snide voice interrupted his thoughts and Will shook his head. He wasn't about to let the Doctor dictate what the letter said.

_ After all, it's not as if me knowing can change the past. It won't erase what happened that night or any other. But I want to know. After the trial, I tried to forget about you. Obviously I couldn't do that, but I tried. Jack Crawford and the rest of the Bureau were scrambling to find information on you, but I didn't want to help. Jack tried to tell me what they found out; he thought it would help if he explained how you became what you are. But at that point I didn't really care. All I knew was that you betrayed me._

Growling, Will added the paper to the other one. His writing more sharp than before, he rewrote the same letter, leaving out the last sentence.

_All I knew was that you were a serial killer and I hadn't realized until it was too late. _

_ After Dolarhyde, after Molly left me (as I'm sure you already know), I began thinking that maybe if I had paid more attention…learned more about you...that maybe I could have prevented you from telling Dolarhyde about my home. Or maybe I could have done something different and the case would have ended differently. I had Jack send me a copy of everything they had on you. Most of the stuff I already knew. But the things I didn't were the things that the files contained the least information on._

_ I remember you telling me that you were born to a wealthy family in Lithuania. Other than that, I don't remember you talking about your childhood. According to the files, you're the son of a Count (royalty's a bit up from mere wealth) and that your family was killed in the war. The FBI guesses (but they don't know) that you and your sister, Mischa, were held prisoner by soldiers and that when food got scarce, they ate Mischa. After that there's not much until you enrolled at Johns Hopkins, but again, I already know what came after that. I suppose what I really want to find out is whether or not the FBI is right._

Will hesitated, before signing his name. It seemed like an abrupt ending, but then again, what was the polite way to ask if one had undergone unspeakable horrors as a child? He folded the letter, put it in an addressed envelope, and set it aside. Now that it was done, Will wasn't sure if he was going to send it. He didn't care about the danger; there was no one here but himself, and he could protect himself well enough. But by sending it, he'd be inviting Lecter back into his life. The man already made sure to send Will a Christmas card every year. And a birthday card. And an anniversary of 'their night' card. And a letter whenever the good Doctor felt like it. By sending Lecter a letter, Will would be getting even more correspondence and he wasn't sure if he wanted that. Oh, well; he'd decide in the morning.

He fully expected to throw it in the trash, or better yet the incinerator, as soon as he woke up. Will was sure that he'd wake up scorning himself for even thinking about sending the letter. Instead, he put a stamp on the envelope and sent it out with the rest of the mail.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2

By ROSSELLA1

Note: I do not own the Hannibal Lecter tetralogy or any of the characters. 

_My Dear Will,_

_ How delighted I was to see your familiar handwriting again. I was beginning to worry that you'd moved without bothering to send me your new address. Tell me, have you received the cards and letters I have sent since we last met or has Jacky boy been holding them back? You never acknowledge them; so rude of you. You're like a teenager who only talks to his Daddy when he needs money. I expect you'll be polite enough the next time you need my help on a case._

_ You say you're not sure why you wrote that letter but I think you are. A part of you is merely curious but another part, a bigger part of you, wants to rope me in with all of your other criminals. You want to believe that there's nothing that sets me apart from all of your other conquests; you want to dismiss me. As a result, another part of you wants to absolve me. When you learned of Mr. Dolarhyde's childhood, my dear, sweet William, you pitied him. Learning that he had been abused lessened your anger towards him. I know this because you felt the same way towards Garrett Jacob Hobbs. And every so called criminal you've ever caught. I know _that _because you told me._ _You want to be able to feel that way for me as well because you can't believe that you'd bare your soul to a monster. You want to humanize me. Which brings me to the last reason. That last little part of you wants to hurt me. You want to make me feel pain for the pain I caused you when I 'betrayed' your trust. _

Doctor Lecter smiled as he wrote that part. That anger, that need for revenge would be the hardest for Will to accept in himself. Hannibal had been musing on how to reply to the letter for the past day or so. He'd been elated when he first saw his eideteker's handwriting on the envelope. That had faded to irritation at the contents. Contrary to popular belief, the Doctor _was_ only human and while he didn't mind stating the aspects of his childhood as fact, he resented having them laid out and analyzed; as Lecter knew that the ex-agent would do. The Doctor had briefly considered sending Will a colostomy bag as a reply, but quickly dismissed it; that was petty and Will would see it for what it was. Besides, having his FBI agent initiate contact was too rare a gift to pass up. No, best not to waste the opportunity. So he'd decided to send an honest reply. Starting with some easy remarks to open Will up and then ending with the harsh one to hurt him back. Now for the goodies…

_ But that's for another time. As for what you want to know, I see no reason not to tell you. Yes. _

_Always yours, _

_Hannibal Lecter, M.D._

There. Lecter wanted to add more, but if he asked too much in one letter, his eideteker wouldn't write back. Best to leave it abrupt; let Will feel as if he needed more of an explanation. His grin widening into a satisfied smirk, Hannibal folded the letter up in the envelope and put it aside for Barney to take. The game was back on.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.3

By ROSSELLA1

Note: I do not own the Hannibal Lecter tetralogy or any of the characters. Oh, and I'm reworking the timeline. In the special features on the Red Dragon DVD, it has Will meeting Lecter with the Chesepeake Ripper case. However, I think the comfortableness they have with each other in the first scene between them and the "You're the best forensic psychiatrist I know" comment signifies that they've known each other for longer. I'm writing this under the presumption that they had known each other for 3 years before the part of the movie when they kill each other.

Will didn't know what he had expected. Lecter to come clean and talk about how horrible his life had been. How seeing the men eat his sister had scarred him for life and had made it impossible for him to view other humans in a normal way. Of course not. Will knew enough to only skim the first paragraph. That would be reserved for cutting him open again. The second, he read, spent a good half hour trying to argue with the Doctor, and ended up not being able to convince himself that Lecter was wrong. When Will finally got to the answer to his question, he was tired, and wondering why he had thought that sending that fucking letter had been a good idea.

The one sentence answer left him feeling empty and vulnerable. And angry, although he wasn't sure why; after all, he had initiated the contact, knowing that Lecter was a sadist. There was no reason for Will to expect anything but pain. Anyway, he had gotten the answer. Just because it was shorter than he had hoped for didn't mean that Will should feel like he was walking away empty-handed. There was no reason to feel so…disappointed. He should just crumple the letter up and throw it away. Giving a shake of his head, he forced himself to do so and went out for a congratulatory boat ride. And promptly fished the letter out of the trash as soon as he got home.

Will figured he might as well admit it to himself. No matter how hard he tried, he could never give up Lecter. If it was a choice between beer and the Doctor, he'd choose his old mentor without any hesitation. The addiction was just too strong. The empty feeling mixing with anger and helplessness, he dropped down onto his bed and began to write the letter.

_Dr. Lecter,_

_ I know that by writing this I'm only doing what you want me to do, but I don't care anymore. As twisted as it is you're all I have left. Don't read too much into that._

'Why not flatter the man a bit?' Will thought. It wasn't too far from the truth.

_You say that I want to make you like all the other serial killers. That I want to humanize you and that I want to hurt you. Maybe I do. Do you blame me? You spent the better part of three years gaining my trust and then you killed me. Then you sent Dolarhyde after me, which in turn led to my alcoholism and divorce. I think I deserve to want to make you less than what you think you are and that doesn't take much thought to realize. You're losing your touch. As for whether or not I want to absolve you, I don't. You murdered people, many of them innocent. You knew it was wrong and you did it anyway. You deserve to be punished and I don't regret putting you away. _

_ But I do feel bad for you. The part of you that witnessed some of the most savage acts of brutality. That lost Mischa to some of the worst monsters imaginable. You were a child and I can only imagine what it must have been like. Just like Dolarhyde and Hobbs, you wouldn't have become what you are if you hadn't been through what you went through. _

_Will_

Will smirked at the ending. Lecter would realize what Will was doing, of course. But the Doctor would resent being compared to the less sophisticated breed of serial killers and would have to write back, even if only to show that it didn't bother him. It was a dangerous thing to do, but what did he have to lose? All he had was his half-life, his house, and a psychopath.


End file.
